Facing my fear, a one act play.

The Foriegner or The Incident During Dinner Rush.
Benjamin Kandt

Please note: This was created when I began imagining how ridiculous my fear of entering a restaurant was, so I decided to write it into a play and embellish it a bit. Only a bit. Fears are rarely rational.



Characters:
外国人：The Foreigner
八 大学生：8 students waiting for a table
服务员: The Hostess
服务员二：The Waiter.
新男朋友和女朋友: The new couple, out for a romantic evening.

Act 1

[The curtain remains drawn, lights dim. We hear the chattering of voices and the honking of cars as they splash by in the rain. As the curtain rises, we see one figure, lit by blue spotlight with a flowing river of people breaking gently around him. He stands in front of a Chinese restaurant, looking in the window. Inside, the lights are orange, the people all smiling gaily. The sign above the door is bright red neon, with one character occasionally flickering. The characters only resemble real chinese characters, warped and incomprehensible]

外国人： she-ow... She-ung

[A large group of students, smoking and chatting boisterously stroll pass, brushing up against the foreigner. He reaches toward his fanny-pack, as if to reassure himself they didn't take it.]

[He turns back to the diner. We hear his stomach growl.]

外国人： Aw, fuck it.

[As he tries to enter, the river of people becomes a solid wall, keeping him away from the diner. He eventually forces his way through. The people look after him as if he ran into them all.]

[He enters. The heavy blanket falling into place behind him, cutting off the sound from outside.]

[We see the set turn with him, and now we look out of the same window we were looking into. Inside, we see several groups, each spotlighted in turn, only acting when the light is upon them. There are couches for waiting, and they are all filled, with a group of students greeting each other and catching up. Outside, as someone sets of a firecracker of red lights, their faces glow with enjoyment, and one girl points excitedly, tugging on her boyfriends arm. The 外国人 jumps at the sound. Next, the light highlights the new couple, standing in front of the hostess, arm in arm, the boyfriend asking if they have any open space. The girl is wishing they were going somewhere classier and she complains loudly. The hostess is smiling gently.]

服务员： 几个- [Her eyes widen as she sees the 外国人] 人？(How many people?)
男朋友： 两个。[He turns to gaze upon his girlfriend, catching the 外国人 out of the corner of his eyes. He tightens his grip on her, and turns back to the front, quickly.] (Two people.)
服务员： 跟我来。(Come with me)

[They exit.]

[The 外国人 looks around with wonder, like a newborn child. He begins to remove some of his layers, and his snow goggles, and his three hats. No one else is dressed so warmly.]

外国人： Knee How! [He brays like a donkey]
八大学生： [They wince, then smile] 你好。你是哪国人？(Hello, where are you from?)
外国人：Uh... [He fumbles with his massive fannypack, pulling out a thick, heavy phrasebook, thumbing through it] shhhhhhhhhna... Shhhna...
八大学生： Where are you from? [They speak without any accent.]
外国人：Oh, thank god, someone that speaks English. I'm from America.

[服务员 returns]

服务员： 你们的几案准备啊。(Your table is ready)
八大学生： Baibai.

[八大学生 exit]

服务员： 几个人？(How many people?)
外国人： Uh.... I'm 美国人。(American)
服务员： 不是。几个人？(No, how many people?)
外国人： Uh.... Can you write it? Oh, shit... [He consults his guidebook] Knee Kuh Yee ... Sheeea mah?
服务员： 一个人。跟我来。(One person. Come with me)

[She leads him to a corner, away from other diners, and hands him a menu. It's written in gibberish, and most dishes have a direct english translation, like heaven's red slippers, instead of a description of the food. There are pictures though.]

等一下。(Wait a moment)

[She exits. The 外国人 puts the menu on the table, which is a wooden box piece over a plastic crate, and pulls out his phrasebook. He looks for a bit at the options.]

[服务员二 enters.]

服务员二：What you want?
外国人： Uh, I want sweet and sour pork.
服务员二： What?

[The 外国人 points at a picture and grunts, making the same needy noises as a child.]

[The 服务员二 exits.]

外国人： All in a days work. [Dusts hands off.]

Fin